Hilden Twisted Hop

 Hilden Twisted Hop (4.7%)

Tastes like a melancholy depressed t-shirt. Not great at all to be honest. Hurikle taste lingers and it's shite. Pure bollocks and bitter. Tastes like metal bollocks. Like sucking Robocops knob.  Misogyny in a bottle. Every sip is like a terrible Crocodile Dundee sequel - c*ntish to the max. Nasty stuff. 

Sweaty Thai children .

Well, at least we can warn other fuckers at least. That's the job of Bob Law, protecting beer lovers.


Nauseating Goop

Matso's Chilli Beer

   Matso's Chilli Beer (4.2%)

Oh oh oH OH! MY MOUTH IS ON FIRE! This is a beer experience like never before. It's a tingly experience that barely even resembles any beer. The chilli just takes over and doesn't go away! Keep the milk handy, chaps. This is hotter than a burning KKK cross. It kicks your throat harder than Bruce Lee on 'roids. Do you even drink bro? Whatever you do don't drink this. I can't even finish it. I'll have to give it to some hippes just a few metres away from me. They'll like it... they'll probably drink anything. It's more confusing than a camp Mexican waiter who hasn't come out of the closet yet. Try it, but don't be surprised if you give it up after 1-3 sips.

Rating: Nauseating Goop

Matso's Mango Beer

   Matso's Mango Beer (4.5%)

Like mangos? Well you will like this! It's a dry and fruity number that gets sweeter with each sip. It's raspy with a bit of zing that lingers around the palate for a rather pleasant user experience. I was hoping for a more mango-y flavour but it's a decent refreshing whistle wetter. Think Pirates of the Caribbean without the pirates... Sweet but not as sweet as it should be. Pairs well with some Haribo sweets and sunshine.

Rating: Tear beers/Average at Best

Silva

   Silva (4.7%)

Oh sweet baby Jesus' virgin mother what the turd in the mouth is this! Tastes even worse than it's fellow country beer Ciuc. My brain has clearly shut down at the confusion of how this can be on the market. This lacklustre slop is polar opposite to the fantastic Romanian scenery. I couldn't even finish this foul, revolting smorgasbord of horribleness. It's not often I don't finish a beer but this Richard Simmons' stale urine in a glass has done it for me and I've had enough. There's certainly no Silva lining to this beers cloud. 



Nauseating Goop

Ciuc Premium

  Ciuc Premium (5%)

Bob Law has many MANY talents (just ask the ladies.....two African giraffe and a highly satisfied albino camel) but one of his strongest is his intuition and the look of this beer is telling me I'd rather lick the carpet lining in the trunk of OJ Simpson's Bronco. No surprises I'm correct. Bittersweet citrus aftertaste. Drinking this beer is as satisfying as beating a child at bowling....you've won, but no one will applaud you. It's cheap, sans the cheerful. Would recommend paying extra for a more enjoyable beverage or to pay Mike Tyson to bite off Paris Hilton's ear and serve it to me with a side of ranch dressing. This is a disgutingly dreary lager made for the sake of it and Im not sticking around to find out more. I'm definitely going to Ciuc this one in the bin.



Stomach Churning Fermentation